Show, Don't Tell

An earlier version of this advice appeared in my LiveJournal in 2005.

Show, Don't Tell

Here we come to a genre divide.

On one side of the divide we have literary fiction and on the other side of the divide lurks genre fiction, alternately courting the literati and thumbing their nose at them as mundanes. Man the barricades!

Show Don't Tell is a straightforward concept that's encouraged in genre fiction. Don't tell the reader what you want them to know--show them.

Emotions

If you just tell the reader what a character is feeling, it has less impact than if you show them the actions and expressions that accompany that feeling. We are all practised at working out how people are feeling from what they do and say, and, more important, HOW they do and say things. What someone tells us they feel is usually the least important part of what they're communicating with body language and tone of voice. Show Don't Tell works with the way we intuit emotional responses in others.

Tell:

The morning of his driving test, Mark was so nervous he couldn't eat any breakfast. "But it's your favourite," his mother whined.

Show:

Mark sat at the breakfast table. "I made your favourite," his mother said, putting a plate of bacon and eggs down in front of him. His stomach roiled as the smell of hot fat filled his nose. Every time he thought about the upcoming driving test, he felt a sinking in his middle, as if his intestines were hollowing him out in an attempt to escape. He pushed his plate away, trying to breathe shallowly, but the kitchen was filled with the same nauseating smell. "Don't you want it?" his mother added, her hurt tone making his stomach clench shut.

Settings

A lot of Fantasy novels include long and detailed exposition about settings, intended to engage the reader with the world that's been painstakingly built by the author. This world-building is a universally-recognised feature of the genre.

Descriptive passages work better if they are combined with actions. Don't just tell us about the world--show us a character interacting with it.

I thought I'd illustrate this point with a short extract from my WIP, a novel entitled Among The Finest Young Men.

My horse looked at the rush of water, looked at me, curving his neck right round in order to do so, then shook his head and plunged into the river.
The cold current seized us and spun us round.
This was ten times worse than the river from which I had rescued Elana: colder, faster, stronger.
My horse could barely keep his head out of the water. I soon lost all sense of direction. We twirled and dipped and choked and failed to swim. Flames and reflections of flames.
The welcome loss of sensation. I fought it, biting my lip, trying to wiggle toes that were as heavy as lead and as movable.
Then we impacted something solid and were brought to an abrupt halt. The river tugged at us, trying to draw us away from the hard surface at the same time as pushing us against it. I explored it with my fingers. Rough brickwork. Soft, giving lumps that might be moss. The bridge?
Nero made violent movements with his legs, extending his neck, kicking against the bricks.
I looked up. Barely discernible against the dark sky was what might be a parapet. Watchtowers, Faro had said...if so, where? I could not see any looming tower, nor any light.
Our left flanks were pressed against the bridge. I looked this way and that, speaking soothing words to my horse, and trying to see if we were anywhere near the bank.
Nero was tiring, and his struggles getting harder, perhaps because he sensed this was his last chance to escape the river's clutches.
That was the bank, ahead of us. It had to be.
I kicked my horse on, and clawed my way along the brickwork, forcing my fingers into cracks where the mortar crumbled, pushing us onwards.
Then Nero's stumbling hooves found bottom, and he heaved us out of the water and up onto the bank, where he crumpled to his knees.

Obviously, it is impractical to show everything to the reader. Where the greatest benefit will come in terms of engaging the reader is, in my opinion, with regard to the two areas I've addressed--emotions and settings.